Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Imagine

Imagine…
You wake up still completely exhausted.
You find it hard to get out of bed.
You feel like junk!
This is how you feel…
All day…
Every day.

Imagine…
Day after day…
Longing to be able to stand, walk, dance, play.
You have an invisible illness…
Only to others.
Lab results only show what you don’t have.
You’re confused, and so are your doctors.
Family and friends might not understand.
They might say it’s all in your head…
But it’s not.
They may tell you to “suck it up.”
You try…
And try…
But can’t.
They don’t see how much you suffer…
Almost every minute of every day.
You try to live your life… persevering.

Imagine…
So many pains…
So many symptoms…
Your heart… pounding, jumping, skipping.
You can’t catch your breath.
Your hot… but cold.
Your world spins.
Your vision changes by the minute.
Your ears roar.
Your head pounds.
Your stomach churns.
Your hands and feet tingle.
Your legs throb and burn.
Your joints ache and pop.
You’re fatigued beyond words.
You feel “outside” yourself.
The list goes on…
And on…
So frustrating.
So despairing.
You pop pill after pill…
But do they really help?
Too often, the treatment makes the disease worse.
And you might not even know it.
Other things said to help also make it worse or have no effect.

Imagine…
You have enough energy to play with your kids…
OR…
Cook supper…
But not both.
The smallest of tasks are now huge chores.
You want your energy back.
You want your strength back.
You want your life back.
You want some company…
Not pity.


I wrote this because not many people understand what I go through every day. I want people to know that just because I look fine, it doesn’t always mean I feel fine. So, if I flake out on plans, leave early, or just sit in the corner, it’s just my way of trying to feel better in the moment. All I need is for you to pull a chair up beside me (because you know I’ll be sitting down) and have a fun conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with being sick.

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