I've loved taking photos since my high school photography class fifteen years ago. I've been doing photography professionally since 2000, mostly doing wedding photography. I've loved every (ok... mostly every) minute of it.
I hit some health issues in 2008 and have had to back off for the time being. Unfortunately, it has changed my life completely. I still do some fun shots and, of course, my blog. I actually didn't even start this blog until I was home more and needed an outlet for my photography and design desires.
Looking at me, you would probably say that I am an out-of-shape housewife that looks happy, healthy and mostly put together. The truth is, I AM out of shape, but other than that, it’s all bologna. I struggle every day to do what a normal 32 year old woman should do with ease. My mind says I’m 32 while the rest of my body says I’m more like 80.
The past three years have been a battle for me. I’ve struggled with an invisible illness that has turned my world upside-down. I used to work about 45 hours a week managing a branch of my parent’s bakery. I also had my own photography business that was not only surviving, but thriving. Plus, I had two kids, a rambunctious dog, a husband and a house to run. You could say I was busy!
So, when I started getting headaches every day, migraines, dizzy spells, fainting spells, seeing spots, having hot flashes, feeling weak and extremely tired, I thought it was just all the work I was doing and all the stress of an everyday working mom and wife. I tried to take it easy, but it seemed to only get worse.
After six weeks of not being able to even get out of bed, doctors diagnosed me with what’s called POTS (short for Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). Basically, my body’s “auto pilot” is all messed up. It doesn’t know how to correctly regulate all my everyday functions like heart rate, blood pressure, breathing, organ function, temperature, sugar levels, digestion and so much more. POTS patients use about three times more energy just to stand than a healthy person. It is as if they are running in place all the time. POTS patients' quality of life is similar to those with congestive heart failure.
As hard as this disease is to explain, it’s even harder to diagnose and treat. One day, my meds will be doing a pretty good job. Then it seems like overnight, what helped before is now a hindrance. My body suddenly doesn’t know what to do with the meds I’ve been taking for six months.
I’ve ended up having to be very dependent on those around me. My husband and kids have really gotten the short end of the stick on this deal. My husband has taken on my share of mostly everything and never complained, not even once. I truly don’t think I would have made it through the past couple years without him. He’s shown me what unconditional love really is. I know God has put me with him because he is so patient and understanding. I don’t know if anyone else would have put up with as much as he has.
My kids have been great too. They don’t like when mom can’t always push them on the swing or go swimming or dancing with them, but they understand when I say I can’t. I wish I was a better mother every day.
I hope to get back to "normal" some day... but until then, I try to do the best I can.
2 Cor 12:7-10
… there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
